The Country Squire In a small pretty village in Notting ham shire there formerly lived a respectable Squire, who excelled all his friends in amusements athletic, and whose manner of living was far from ascetic. A wife he had taken for better or worse, whose temper had proved an intolerant curse;but at length, to his great and unspeakable joy, she died when presenting a fine little boy.Strange fancies men have;—the father designed to watch o’er the dawn of his son's youthful mind,—that,only approached by the masculine gender, no room should be left him for feelings more tender.“Had I ne’er seen a woman,” he often would sigh,“What Squire in the country so happy as I!” The boy was intelligent, active, and bright, and took in his studies uncommon delight;no juvenile follies distracted his mind; no visions of bright eyes, or damsels unkind, and those fair demisisterly beings so gay, yclept“pretty cousins, ne’erpopped in his way; till at length this remarkably singular son could number of years that had passed twenty one.” Now the father had settled, his promising son should his studies conclude when he reached twenty one;and he went,with a heart beating high with emotion, to launch the young man on life's turbulent ocean.As they entered the town,a young maiden tripped by, with a cheek like a rose, and a lightlaughing eye.“O father, what's that?” cried the youth with delight, as this vision of loveliness burst on his sight.“O,that,” cried the cautious and politic Squire, who did not they outh's ardent glances admire,“is only a thing called a Goose,my dear son ;we shall see many more ere our visit is done.” Blooming damsels now passed with their butter and cheese,whose beauty might even an anchorite please:“Merelygeese!” said the Squire,“don't mind them,my dear;thereare many things better worth looking at here.” As onwards they passed, every step brought to view some spectacle equally curious and new;and the joy of the youth hardly knew any bounds, at the roped ancers, tumblers, and merry gorounds. As soon as the tour of the town was completed, the fatherre solved that the boy should be treated; so, pausing an instant,he said,“My dear son, a new era today in your life has begun;now of all this bright scene and the gayeties in it,choose whatever you like,it is yours from this minute.”“Choose whatever I like?” cried the jouthful recluse.“O, thank you,dear father, then give me—a goose!” 乡绅 从前,在诺丁汉郡的一个美丽的小村庄里住着一位可敬的绅士。他玩起体育竞技游戏来比所有的朋友都高强,过的日子绝不是苦行僧式的。不管是福是祸,他娶了个妻。结果她脾气奇坏,成了个难以忍受的灾星。终于,她在产下一玲珑佳儿后死去,乡绅先生的万分欣喜自是不可言传。人不时会突发奇想。这位父亲决定亲自督察儿子年幼的头脑的启蒙,务必使他接触的都是男性,绝不留下余地萌生更温柔的感情。“倘我从不曾见过女人,”他常常叹息道,“全国的乡绅里谁人能有我快活!”那男孩聪明、活泼而又通达事理,异常地喜欢学习。从不因小孩子的胡闹而分心;从没有明亮的眸子,或狠心的小妞,或被谓之“妩媚表亲”、半似姐妹的放肆尤物突然出现在他面前。到最后,这位非同寻常、出类拔萃的儿子终于度过了21个年头。 父亲决定,他的前途无量的儿子在21岁时应该结束学业。于是他满心激动地带领年轻人启航进入汹涌的人生之海。当他们进城时,正有一少女款款经过,腮如玫瑰,眼笑流波。“哦,父亲,那是什么?”当那可爱身影闯入他的眼帘时,年轻人快乐地喊道。“噢,那个,”谨慎而讲究谋略的乡绅根本不赞赏儿子热烈的目光,于是大声说,“不过区区一笨鹅而已,我亲爱的孩子,我们一路还会见到很多的。” 携奶油乳酪的如花少女络绎而过,就是隐士也会被她们的美丽打动。“不过是些笨鹅!”乡绅道,“我儿不必放在心上,此间有许多事物更值得一观呢。”他们继续前行,每一步都见到同样新奇有趣的景象,年轻人看到走绳索的,翻斤斗的,和旋转木马等等,其乐也无穷。 小城之行一结束,父亲就决定要款待儿子。于是,他停顿片刻后说,“我亲爱的儿子,今日起你的生活开始了一个新的时期。现在,在所有这眩目景象及种种赏心乐事中,选出你最喜爱的,你立刻就能得到它。”“由我任意选择?”年轻的隐居者大叫,“啊,谢谢你了,父亲,那就给我一只笨鹅吧!” 追问: 这个.......俄是学生,英语演讲用的,最好是寓言,这个俄不太满意哦 回答: THE LION AND THE MOUSE Lion was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up in anger, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying: “If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness.” The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came up, and gnawed the rope with his teeth, and setting him free, exclaimed: “You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, not expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favour; but now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to confer benefits on a Lion.” 1.狮和鼠 一只老鼠从一只狮子面前跑过去,将它从梦中吵醒。 狮子生气地跳起来,捉住老鼠,要弄死它。老鼠哀求说:「只要你肯饶恕我这条小生命,我将来一定会报答你的大恩。」狮子便笑着放了它。 后来狮子被几个猎人捉住,用粗绳捆绑倒在地上。老鼠听出是狮子的吼声,走来用牙齿咬断绳索,释放了它,并大声说:「你当时嘲笑我想帮你的忙,而且也不指望我有什么机会 报答。但是你现在知道了,就算是小老鼠,也能向狮子效劳的。 再加点开头结尾 追问: 呵呵O(∩_∩)O,原谅俄的苛刻,俄第一次演讲,想做到最好呢,这个貌似短了 回答: A Little Horse Crossing the River There are an old horse and a little horse on a farm. One day the old horse asks the little horse to send the wheat to the mill. The little horse is very happy. He carries the wheat and runs toward the mill. But there is a river in front of the little horse. He stops and does not know what to do next. Just then Aunt Cow is passing by. The little horse asks, “Aunt Cow, please tell me. Can I cross the river ” 英语寓言故事 Aunt Cow answers, “It is not deep, you can cross it.” When the little horse begins to cross the river, a little squirrel shouts at him, “Little horse, don't cross it, you will be drowned. Yesterday one of my friends was drowned in this river.” The little horse is very afraid. Finally he decides to go home and ask his mother. The old horse asks, “Why do you take the wheat back What's wrong with you My child.” The little horse answers sadly, “There is a river in front of me. Aunt Cow said it was not deep. But the little squirrel said it was deep. What shall I do ” The old horse says, “My child, you should try to cross the river by yourself. If you do not try, how do you know the river is deep or not ” The little horse carries the wheat and returns to the riverside. At last, he succeeds in crossing the river. Now, He knows how deep the river is. 英语寓言故事 小马过河 农场里有一只老马和一只小马,一天老马叫小马把麦子送到磨房。小马很开心,扛起了小麦就跑向了磨房。可有一条河挡住了去路,他停了下来不知如何是好,正在这时,奶牛大婶过来了。 小马问:“奶牛大婶,请告诉我,我能趟过这条河吗?” 奶牛大婶答道:“不深,你能过去。” 英语寓言故事 正当小马开始过河时,一只小松鼠朝他大喊:“小马,不要过河,你会淹死的。昨天我的一位朋友就在这河淹死了。” 小马非常害怕,最后决定回家问问妈妈。 老马问:“你为什么又把小麦扛回来了?你怎么了?我的孩子。” 小松鼠委屈地回答:“有一条河挡住我的去路。奶牛大婶说它不深,可小松鼠说它深。我该听谁的呀?” 老马说:“孩子,你应该自己试试,如果不试,你怎么知道河的深浅?” 英语寓言故事 小马驮着小麦又回到了河边。最后,他成功地渡过了河。他终于知道河有多深了。
q: what's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
a: a monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢?你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢,那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤,而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧?
q: how can you most irritate a farmer?
a: by treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物,他肯定会生气的;而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼,他会更生气。corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”,也有“鸡眼”的意思。
q: which is the strongest creature in the world?
a: the snail. it carries its house on its back.
因为snail(蜗牛)的后背上总是背着一所房子,所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢?
q: what do people do in a clock factory?
a: they make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语,你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀!因为除了这个意思以外,它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
q: how do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
a: keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者(sleepwalker)梦游(walk in his sleep)呢?最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法,但如果让梦游者醒着呢,他的确就不会去梦游了。
英语笑话(二)
he is really somebody
-- my uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- he is really somebody. what does he do?
-- a maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的?
-- 墓地守墓人。
英语笑话(三)
not long after an old chinese woman came back to china from her visit to her daughter in the states, she went to a city bank to deposit the us dollars her daughter gave her. at the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. it made the old lady out of patience.
at last she could not hold any more, uttering. "trust me, sir, and trust the money. they are real us dollars. they are directly from america."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久,到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台,银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票,看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦,最后实在忍耐不住说:“相信我,先生,也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元,它们是从美国直接带来的。”
英语笑话(四)my little dog can't read
mrs. brown: oh, my dear, i have lost my precious little dog!
mrs. smith: but you must put an advertisement in the papers!
mrs. brown: it's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人:哦,
亲爱的,我把珍爱的小狗给丢了!
史密斯夫人:可是你该在报纸上登广告啊!
布朗夫人:没有用的,我的小狗不认识字。”
英语笑话(五)bring me the winner
-- waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- i'm sorry, sir. it must have been in a fight.
-- well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员,
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起,先生,这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦, 那给我那个打赢的吧。
英语笑话(六)the mean man's party.
the notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "come up to 5m and ring the doorbell with your elbow. when the door open, push with your foot."
"why use my elbow and foot?"
"well, gosh," was the reply, "you're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说:“你上到五楼,找中间那个门,然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后,再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢?”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪,你总不会空着手来吧?”吝啬鬼回答。
英语笑话(七)advice for "kid"
a bit of advice for those about to retire. if you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. so when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话,
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西,抬东西或者装东西时,他们就叫喊,“让小的干吧。”
英语笑话(八)which woman?
one evening i drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
on my return, i noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.when i finally entered the house, i called out."the woman who loves you the most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
my husband looked up and said, "mom's here?"
哪一位女人?
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物,回来后发现车身沾满灰尘,于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊:“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看,说:“妈妈来了?”
英语笑话(九)the doctor lives downstairs
"doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "i want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
he surveyed her from head to foot. "madam," he said at length, "i've just three things to tell you. first, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. and third, i'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她,然后大声说:“太太,我有三件事要对你说。第一,您的体重需要减少大约50磅;第二,如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红,您的美貌将会改变。第三,我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
英语笑话(十)one engine left
a 747 was halfway across the atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "attention, passengers. we have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach london with the three we have left. unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r esult."
shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "guess what, folks. we just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. we will now arrive in london three hours late."
at this point, one passenger became furious. "for pete's sake," he shouted, "if we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时,喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意,我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿,旅客们又听到机长的声音:“各位,你们猜怎么啦 ?我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞,但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时,一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的份上,如果我们再掉一个引擎,我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。
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